The perfect city?

SAN DIEGO, CA- I have yet to find anything wrong with this city. Maybe it will disappoint me someday.. but it hasn't yet. This place has more things to do than anywhere I have ever been.. let alone lived. I will be jaded when I leave. I couldn't see myself as a CA girl- I'll always be a southern girl- but I can definitely see myself moving out here long-term. Tonight I went to a sweet coffee lounge with live music, in a largely homosexual community called Hillcrest. Don't see crossdressers too often in Nashville. Next stop: US Open Sandcastle competition.


Everyday at work I wonder how Invisible Children makes working so much fun, and how they can work so hard yet have such a great working environment. Most days I end up saying, "Where do I work?!" A large dog running around, Marcus walking around playing banjo, people in sunglasses making ridiculous videos for a friend, Jason doing backflips, ice cream and Oreos, California burritos- all typical days at the office. No big.

Not sure if anyone reads these..

I just realized that I had said I would be blogging often while here but have only done it twice. It's been a month since my last one. Ha! I really don't know if anyone reads my blogs, but I suppose I'll keep doing it just in case. I just finished the first month of my internship. It has definitely been interesting. I wish that I could say I am having the "time of my life" as everyone is expecting me to. Yet I don't feel it's that way, and I hate to tell people that. Through it, I have learned a lot- mostly small lessons each day that have come together to help me with something God wants to teach me. For example, I have learned a lot about sacrifice. I am living in a house with a lot of people, and I am trying to learn to be clean/ orderly for the sake of the comfort of others. Though I don't really mind a dish soaking in the sink for a few hours, because it bothers people in the house, I try not to do it. I feel like a failure at times because I think I am considerate but here I feel irresponsible and sloppy. I expected to come here and make some of the best friends in the world- I'm spending 8 weeks of my life with people with the same interests and heart for others. It seems like it should be easy, but it's not. I have felt so alone and left out. This is the feeling I hate the most. And yet, at times, I feel numb. I do not like looking back at my experience here and not remembering any exciting times- only a haze. I would almost rather have pain than numbness, because pain makes us human.

On a lighter note, I got to be a roadie for four days. I went up to LA with the SoCal roadies to help them with a youth conference called DCLA. I wanted to stay on the road with them instead of going back to the office. I now am sure that I want to be a roadie. I adore the people that I met and the way God provided for us through them. Two nights in a row we didn't know where we were going to stay then met someone who offered us a floor or their hotel bed. People brought us pizzas, bagged lunches, and all kinds of food. We met a rad family named the Rudes who were hilarious and made buttons that said "we are friends with the IC crew" or something like that. The kids at the conference as a whole were exceptional. They all seemed to genuinely care about what we were doing. Many of them are starting Schools for Schools through their schools or churches. Yay! There were many youth there who were obviously unsure of themselves. I pray that God uses IC to empower them. I also felt appreciated by the roadies for myself. Being around people whom you can't be yourself around is stifling. I wonder if the "he's just not that into you" principle applies to friendships?

Loving it.

Yesterday was interesting and random. I again answered a bunch of movement emails. Then I made signs for the S4S winners so they feel welcomed when they arrive. Next I helped put the massive Invisible Children logo stickers on the side of the van. I never realized that they do that themselves. It is a tedious process that they choose to do themselves to save money that could be going to Uganda. I spent two hours yesterday just smoothing out tiny bubbles in the stickers. The new look of the vans is pretty awesome :)
I really appreciate the fact that IC takes pride in being a personal company. Most of what I've been doing here is to make sure that our supporters feel appreciated and valued. We hand write thank-you letters to the people who hand write us. What company does that?
Today I started booking, which is what I'm going to be doing the majority of my internship. I am beginning to enjoy my work a lot more. It is exciting to talk to people who are pumped about IC and are begging us to come to their city. I really enjoy talking on the phone with these people.
The staff meeting was way more fun than it should be.
Did I ever mention that I love this organization?

First few days in San Diego.

(Written Tuesday 06/02)
The past day and a half have been overwhelmingly amazing. I am still incredibly tired and jetlagged, because it is two hours earlier here and my plane left at 6 am. From being at college I have already fallen in love with community life. I have four roommates and tons of housemates, guys and girls. We are constantly together and I adore it. I am already attached to the roadies and am sad at the thought of their leaving in one week. Yesterday and today we had training, in which different figures in Invisible Children came to talk to us, mostly for educational purposes, but also for inspiration. I have learned so much. I walk into rooms and I am overwhelmed in unbelief that it is possible for so many incredible people to be in one room together. I am intrigued by every person here. I want to know about their lives, what makes them tick, how they got involved, what God is doing in their lives, how their faith fuels what they do. I went to a church Sunday morning called The Flood. I got the sense that it was really genuine. The message was about boasting only in Christ and Him crucified, which was exactly what I needed to hear. It's so hard not to boast in what we do. Christ communicated that even if you get what He taught about peace and brotherly love but miss the cross, you've missed the whole point. Jason Russell (original filmmaker)'s talk to us was great, to say the least. I always love hearing him talk about his faith and how it drives what he does. He is definitely bold about it. In a way, many people whom I have met here remind me of people I have met at other times in my life. There's this familiarity which is mostly a good feeling.
IC was on Larry King Live tonight. What an incredible time to be working for these guys. Watch the full version online here: http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/bestoftv/2009/06/02/lkl.invisible.children.cnn.html

6/4
The entire day I have been answering emails in the Movement email box. I probably knocked out about fifty. It is easy to get irritable after sitting at a desk all day. We have this gong that we ring when we book a screening or sign someone up for Lobby Days, and that helps to raise the spirits. The people here amaze me. They are the most determined people I have ever been around. Nonprofit work is tough. IC requires a buttload of time and barely any pay. Obviously no one here does it for the money. I am learning more and more how passion is a very small factor in this whole thing. When I think of working at the office, the word passion definitely isn't the first word to come to mind. My boss, Margie, talks about a "deeper yes" that causes us to keep going, to do the boring things no one wants to do. I probably would not be able to be a roadie. Not at this time in life, at least. I do badly without sleep. Tomorrow we are having a "call-a-thon" to call all of the people who signed up for the Rescue in the D.C. area (FIVE THOUSAND) to get them to go to Lobby Days. No one wants to call people they don't know all day, but we do it because this event is so crucial to really, finally ending the war in northern Uganda (go to howitends.tv for more info). We all have a lot to learn from these people.

Yesterday I was with some friends, shopping around in the "swanky" Hillsboro village. We hopped from store to store, looking for things to enhance our appearance. With the right clothing, you can be whomever you want to be. I walked into Urban Outfitters and I became disgusted. All of the clothing, jewelry, everything in every store we went to- it was all the same. I just felt so "blah."
After that, I went to my friend Diko's house. She fled a conflict in southern Sudan. After taking "refuge" in Uganda and Kenya, she finally made it to Nashville, where she has been living for about 8 years. While there, I heard stories of suffering and triumph, of pain and God's deliverance and provision. As I was sitting there with Diko, her four precious children, and a man named Tom from northern Uganda, I had a reckoning moment of sorts. I realized that I had become alive, because at that moment, I was in God's presence. I was close to His heart. How often do do these things to "enter into God's presence"- extravagant worship concerts, whatever, when God has made it clear to us where His heart is, and what He blesses? Read Isaiah 58:
"6 Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? 7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? 8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. 9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. 11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."
Quite a promise, huh? Diko told me about how she saved a woman's life who was in danger of dying in childbirth by sending $50 to Sudan to pay for the costs of delivering the baby. $50 in America might buy a pair of tennis shoes, a tanning package, hair highlights, or one night of eating out with your family. These things have never before been so real to me. I hate the disconnect between the fortunate and the suffering, those who rot in things and those who need food to survive. Which will we choose? Life or death, literal and spiritual?
If guilt means "bad conscience over responsibility," as it says in the dictionary, then let your guilt turn into something beautiful, into LOVE IN ACTION, which is the only kind of love, the only option.

Could this be any clearer?

16By this we know love, that He laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
-1 John 3:16-18

I am so unworthy.

It is always a blessing to know that God is using us in ways we don't even realize. My wonderful friend Callie sent me this message: "Seriously, you challenged me so much this year to realize that it's not okay to sit back on the sidelines and watch. I think He has really used you to try and break down apathy on our campus and in the lives of those around you."
THANK YOU GOD.
It's not me.

OPRAH TO THE RESCUE.

About 300 people have been waiting to be rescued all week. This morning they did a coreographed dance in front of Oprah's studio. She saw them, pulled aside the filmmakers, and told them she was going to come to their RESCUE by putting them on her show TODAY!! She is modifying the whole course of her show for these guys! Some of my friends are there now. I wish I could have, but I had an exam this morning. She is one of the most (if not THE MOST) influential women in the world. This is incredible. And I get to work for them, the most incredible organization in existence (I'm not just saying that. If you knew more, you would think the same thing) THIS SUMMER!

Make sure to follow the event on nightof.therescue.invisiblechildren.com
DONT SLEEP THROUGH A REVOLUTION.

Mixed feelings.

Something wonderful is happening on our campus. The three social justice clubs: International Justice Mission, Acting on AIDS, and the brand spankin' new Invisible Children club are joining together to form one Social Justice Council. Though we are still trying to figure out the logistics, we are very excited about it. We hope that it will better model the body of Christ by allowing us to work together on things and be more unified. In addition, if someone has a heart for social justice but not necessarily a specific organization, he or she can come to the council and try out the different clubs because we will all be meeting at the same time. And, it is highly possible that I will be the president of the I.C. "subclub." This makes me very nervous. I guess I fear something going wrong and all of the blame going on me, losing our prospective club members, or exploding because of all the work. Hopefully people will have grace on us because we are new. I am excited overall. I can't wait for the freshmen to come in. One of my main concerns is that I want people to be empowered to lead and to do something about the problems they see in the world. I pray that I can lead it for a season and be replaced by someone who can do an even better job. I want to make it clear to everyone that I will need their help. This is in all of our hands.
"If you are not free, I am not free. If one man on earth is partly enslaves, the world is not completely free."

Also, the Rescue was.. and is... revolutionary. It has been delightful being able to keep up with what's going on in each city. When one part of the Body rejoices, all of us rejoice. We are a family.
Check it out: nightof.therescue.invisiblechildren.com.

For all of you wondering what my blog url means, an explanation is coming soon. It sounds depressing, but believe me, it's quite the opposite of that.

:-)

A Heavy Heart.

Things have been hard for me lately. I have such a sense of urgency about what's going on in northern Uganda. I feel like, every MINUTE we don't do something, a child is being forced to kill, rape, and see atrocities. There are 40,000 parents in northern Uganda who do not know if their children are dead or alive because they have been kidnapped by the LRA. Could you imagine being a parent, tossing and turning every night fearing what the LRA might be doing to your little girl?
I toss and turn because it bothers me so much how little we care. For most of us, it's not that we do not have the time. It's how we choose to use our time. Honestly, it hurt me that so few of my friends came to support me at the screening, but they will go to anything entertaining at the drop of a hat. Should I take it personally? What do I do? All I know to do is to pray. I pray that the Lord will use me to cause people to ponder that which is beyond themselves. That each of us would fight for others' safety and joy with everything that is in us. I just keep thinking of Amos, and how he cried out to Israel:
21 "I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies.
22 Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them.
23 Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps.
24 But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!"

Guys, we cannot go to a worship concert and abandon our brother's needs. God does not care what we sing if we don't do anything. Faith without deeds is dead. Is it real worship? Righteousness and justice are synonymous in the Bible. They are almost always listed together. We can never attain righteousness if we fail to be just, to love justice, to work for it.
Jesus requires nothing less than for us to pour ourselves out as living sacrifices, laid out on the altar to do whatever He requires. And if we are in communion Him, He is going to lead us to lay down our lives for others. He makes that pretty clear.
... when will I surrender my will to the Father's?

Yet even, still writing these things doesn't make me feel any better. When will I be able to reconcile these things? Does the Lord want me to? I pray that I am never content with the situation of the world.


The Rescue is the day after tomorrow. I wish I could communicate to people how vital this is. It's not something we do for fun. There are 3,000 children wanting someone to come Rescue them. They don't want to be there. We CAN, so we MUST.
Please watch this video. http://vimeo.com/4286055

First Post.

Yesterday I found out that one of my biggest dreams is coming true. I finally applied for an internship with Invisible Children and GOT IT!! For two years I have immersed myself in this organization. It is my heart. And now it's time for me to be a part of what they're doing on a bigger scale, on the national level. I will be the summer '09 Movement intern. It lasts from June 1st to July 31st. Two months in San Diego! I will be working closely with Schools for Schools, their program in which schools in America fundraise to rebuild schools in Uganda. I will tell you more details about the position when I know them :)
My friends were telling me, "You have to keep me updated," or, "You should tell me about it when you get back!" So I thought, why not keep an online blog of my experience there?
I am incredibly excited and honored that they chose me for the spot. Living in California will definitely be different than living in small town Tennessee. I am anxious but more ready than ever. I am at peace.